The Top 12 Christmas Movies I have seen EVER!!

or

I wish I posted this 2 weeks ago... but I am a time traveler sooooo

Family Man - THE best Christmas movie! I love Tea Leoni, I love the cake scene. And it's my favorite movie genre -- the one where the guy gets to see life without him, or what life would be like if he took another path. Quote: “Where are my Mary Janes?” or “This chocolate cake? I'm sorry, it's just too important to me.”

Elf - I like to believe that Will Farrell is Buddy the Elf. I will never accept anything else.

“Buddy the Elf... whats your favorite color?” (But come on, there are a million keepers in this movie.)

The Family Stone - I'm not sure what it is about this movie...I just love it. I even cry every year when Meredith hands out the pictures. “You have a freak flag....you just don't fly it.”

Bad Santa - There has never been a more inappropriate movie about Christmas, yet it's sooooooo good! That kid, wow, how did his parents sign off for him to be in this movie? Did you know that Bill Murray was signed on to play Willy, as were Jack Nicholson and Larry David? “Are you f$#%ing with me?” (I say that line every day at work....in my head.)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas - Only Jim Carrey could have made this watchable, and he does. I truly love how they made Whoville real. “This is not pudding!” (I laugh every time.)

Christmas Vacation – Clark is all of us, he just wants a perfect dang Christmas! Every scene I can relate to, except I don't have a cousin Eddie. “Burn my dust. Eat my rubber!”

The Ref - Dennis is perfect for this role. I just love that the “bad guy” is really the only good, normal one. "Lady, your husband ain't dead. He's hiding!" (I know it's actually from an old Abbott and Costello routine but still.)

A Nightmare Before Christmas - Amazing animation, great music, awesome story idea. Plus all the emo kids get to wear the gear, so Hot Topic stays in business. “Your jokin'... Your jokin'.. oh man you must be jokin'.” or “Frogs breath?!?! Nothing is more suspicious than frogs breath.”

It's a Wonderful Life - It's a classic. The original movie of my favorite genre where the guy gets a glimpse of his life had he followed a different path. “Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world.” or “What is it you want Mary? Do you want the moon?....Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary.”

Scrooged - You can pick your favorite version of this old chestnut. For me, I love this one and the Muppets version. Bill Murray is such a good jerk. “Would someone for the love of God stop that dang hammering!”

A Christmas Story - This was a higher ranked movie until TBS played it every minute of every day for the entire Christmas week. It is great to see Christmas through a kid's eye. (Yes “eye” singular - he shot out the other one, remember?) “Ooooooooh Fudge!!!” I know I should say “You'll shoot your eye out.” but it's my list.

Olive the Other Reindeer - This is a pretty funny movie. I love the animation. Plus I can watch it with the kids and not throw up. “By now my ligaments are toast / But here it comes, more parcel post / Why not splurge? Send it priority! / What's one more pain in my pos-ter-i-orityyyyy?”

If I went to 13.... it still wouldn't have counted.

Wonderboys - I know it isn't a Christmas movie, but I always think of winter and Christmas when I see it. What a great movie, Michael Douglas, Katie Holmes, Robert Downey Jr., Toby McGuire. I love the feel of the movie so wintery and cold. It was filmed in Pittsburgh.

“And... I could be wrong, but it sort of reads in places like you didn't make any choices. At all.” or

“James Leer: The doors made so much noise!
Grady Tripp: Is he all right?
James Leer: It was so embarrassing! He had to be carried out.
Terry Crabtree: He's fine. He's narrating.
James Leer: They were going to the restroom. But would they make it in time?”

How to time travel 45 minutes into the future

How to time travel 45 minutes into the future

or

Fun with Ambien

Materials you will need.

(1-2) Ambien tablets

(1) alarm clock

(1) wooden top

Step 1 --- Forget you read this. You may have to travel back 45 minutes in time to tell yourself not to read this.

Step 2 --- Take 1 to 2 Ambien tablets. Stay awake for 2 hours. This is a great time to watch a romantic comedy or “What Not to Wear” on TLC. Your wife will be happy that you watched something she likes, and you won't remember a thing.

Step 3 --- Set all your clocks forward 45 minutes before you go to bed. Now would be the time to clean the bathroom too. Now reward your body and go to sleep.

Step 4 --- Get up and go to work. Avoid all clocks. You are now 45 minutes in the future!! What will you do??

Important!!!! Avoid seeing yourself!!! This may cause a paradox!!

Step 5 --- Once you are 1 minute from the present catching up to you, position yourself in a spot where you would be able to see your present self pass by undetected á la Timecrimes or Primer.

Option 1 --- If you do see yourself walk by, take the wooden top and spin it. If the top continues to spin for more than 45 seconds, according to Mr. Nolan, you are dreaming, which means you never woke up from the Ambien coma. So, dream up a beautiful women, fly around Egypt or do something fun.

Option 2 --- If you do see yourself, and the top does fall, congratulations -- you actually did it!!!

Please find me and let my past self know that I should sell all of the stocks I own on January 3, 2001, then put all my money into Chipotle stock the day it goes IPO, and that I should not waste my time watching movies like The Box, 2012 or Couples Retreat. I should also check the oil in my Explorer before the engine blows.

Option 3 --- You do not see yourself. Well what the hell, all you did was turn your clock forward. I mean, come on, what did you think would happen? But hey, you finally got to work on time, right?

Summer Goal #2 Part 3- 40 movies in Blah Blah Blah

or

I cant believe I didnt see the whole thing or

my wife and mom are right I never follow through on anything !!

39. Toy Story 3 - Memo to Disney- My kids will already need lots of therapy just having me as a parent, why do you need to traumatize them as well. Poor Felix was scared out of his seat, literally. Half the little kids are crying in the theater with all that craziness. Why? I will never understand the Disney formula, I cant believe Andy wasnt forced to be an orphan. Any way I liked it, and so did the adults in the theater. The best part by far was hearing all the Spanish speaking kids and parents when Buzz was in the Antonio Banderas mode! They were hysterical and the other kids wanted to laugh, but didn't know why. Overall it was good, but I wonder, do I just see video game for a story because games have become great stories or was this a story made to be a great video game/ ride? Overall I give it 3 out of 4 toy stories.

38. The Invention of Lying - This was a pretty good movie!! I loved the whole premise, but wasnt expecting very much. However, the first act was awesome , second act pretty good the third act... well it was Hollywood. Still I laughed a bunch, chuckled a lot. At the end I felt happy and that was what I was looking for.

37. Extract- Love Jason Batemen period. I can hardly remember much about it. I t was ok and Jason can make most movies good... well not Couples Retreat. I guess 5 out of 9 bottles of extract

36. Quantum of Solace- The James Bond movies are just crazy good right now! Daniel Craig is a bad mother. He is fast and mean and brutal and classy and all the things you want from a real mad James Bond. The revenge spy the last two movies have created is fantastic!! Rumor is the franchise is on hold do to cost though, bummer!! I love it I give it 007 out of 007

35. Inception _ AWESOME!!! Take out the you know whats coming ending and the rest was GREAT!! I am a big Nolan fan, he knows how to tell a story in a way you have not seen a million times. The special effects were amazing and the sound was perfect! I think I had DiCaprio burn out this summer, especially since he played to guys that had simillar problems, but he was much better in this then Shutter Island. ven though I started getting confused at exactly what was going on at the end, it was still a goooood time. 4 out of 5 dreams in a dream.

34.The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo- With all the hype, it was a big let down!! I wanted it to be something that it just wasn't. Maybe I should have just read the book in the first place. It really was just a murder mystery. Been there seen that. 32 -34 make me think you shouldnt see 40 movies in one summer, you see how many movies are just a rehash of things you have seen already! 8 out of 12 tattoos

33. Green Zone- The Bore Identity. MY FIRST BLU RAY !!! To bad it was on a movie I have seen a million times. I am a fan of Matt, but not this movie. If you took away the Jason Bourne parts and the wantabe Hurt Locker cinematography it was just a tv movie. I dont feel like I was shocked at the whole premise. I just figured that is really how it went down. 4 out of 10 WMDs

32. Iron Man II - Robert really IS Tony Stark- I am not sure I know the difference anymore. It was a pretty perfect casting. Mickey was great and didnt talk to much, Scarlett is hot, yet..... It was a bit boring, not much reason to say wow!! It was good but just good. I give it 2 out of 3 somethings... fill in a word I have used before.

31. Let the Right One In - This is the smallest vampire movie I have ever seen. This is a film not a movie. The story was great. I am not a fan of Swedish acting, but it carried me. I like the vampire story idea of kids,and the teen angst issue. I did feel they missed a better ending showing the characters 50 years later, tying it to the start of the movie. I give it 9 out of 11 pints of blood.

30. Shutter Island.- This was another movie I have seen before in different versions. You knew what was going to happen hours before it did. ..and yes this movie was long enough that I can say that. I was a bit shocked at this being kinda boring. The only surprise at the end was why wasn't it better? 3 out of 6 lobotomies.

29. The Brothers Grim- I tried to love this movie, but it just wouldn't happen. I was so bored, I feel asleep 3 times trying to get through it, in the end... I have no idea what happened. I couldn't finish. Even with Sara Connor in it. I dont know why this movie felt soooo olde. 2 out of 6 tales

28. Deception- This is the worst movie I saw this summer, that was not supposed to be. You already know going into THE GOODS that it will most likely be terrible. But this movie has Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, and Michelle Williams and they should be ashamed. The director and editor and writer, should never be trusted with a movie again. The pacing of this movie was soooo bad, I could barely stand it. I have seen this movie 30 times with different names and this might be the worst version, of this OLD tale. I give it 0 out of 20 million dollars.

27. Youth In Revolt- Think SuperBad meets fight club- Is Michael Cera one of THE best comic actors of this generation?!?! If I was in high school, this would be the movie I would watch over and over and quote and worship. If he is an as$$ in real life, I dont want to know. I think he is one of the coolest guys in movies!! The dialogue is smart and funny, and the performances are so oddball that they are perfect. The only problem I had was they had a perfect "Breathless ending that would have made this a FILM. What a missed opportunity!! 12 out of 13 alter ego's in a mustache!!

26. The Road - Looking for a feel good summer movie?? This is not it But WOW !!! Not as good as one of the best books for a father even!! but it was pretty good. The film didnt rely on CGI either, most of the footage was from disasters like Katrina, and Mt. ST Helens. The best part though was the next morning Fletch asked if he could snuggle with me in bed.Even though it was 5am it was awesome!! 6 out of 7 tears.

25. The Day The Earth Stood Still- Ok why would I see this movie, well after hearing about my summer goal, my professor, jumped in and said " You have to see this movie!! It is awesome!!" WOW!! Really!! I did not see it that way. Could it be that Keanu's best movie was Bill and Ted? Would the Matrix have been that much better without him? Well all I know is I dont really have much more to say about this movie. (yeah I know I didnt say much about it in the first place) 2 out of 12 robot alien invasions.

24. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - This was a pretty funny movie, lots of parent jokes, which I always appreciate. The kids were a bit scared when things went crazy, but they made it. I really liked the characters too. 8 out of 10 foods.

23. The Goods - I cant believe I believed in Piven enough to watch this dud!! So many great character actors and it still stunk. The doc that this is based on was 10 times the movie this was, and it had no stars. Of course Will Ferrell still rocks in his 5 minutes of screen time. 1 out of 9 cars

My summer goal #2 - 40 movies in 75 days

or

How I spent my Summer

22. Despicable Me - Think of the Incredible meets Dr. Evil, meets Annie- This is my top animated movies this year! Funny,with lots of humor for the adults, and not to scary for the kids. Steve Carells voice is hilarious too! Best of all it was a free screening and it was in 3D. The kids were amazed!! 11 out of 11 spies!!

21. Slumdog Millionaire- This is one great movie!! I love that it puts an exclamation mark on the saying "You are the sum of your experiences" Danny Boyle rocks!! The way he tells a story is art! Cant wait for "Solomon Grundy" Freida Pinto, has to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. Just an amazing story from start to finish! I give it 20,000,000 rupees out of 20,000,00000 rupees!!

20. Time Crimes- A recommendation from Tweedy Paul. He was dead on with this pic. I wont give anything away, because it has more twists then my spine. But the box says it all " A naked girl, a murder in bandages and a man who accidentally travels back in time." AWESOME you had me at... well every part really!!This is a Spanish film, so you can get it subbed or dubbed. This is a GREAT movie!! 4 out of 4 time machines (for people who have seen it already I give it 4 out of 4 Hectors)

19. The Last One/ The Underground Homeless of New York City- The first is about a guy who makes moonshine in a home made still, not that interesting. The second was about how in the 90's over3,000 people were living in the old subway tunnels. After 9/11 they kicked most of the people out. They live in these weird shelters and some dont come above ground for days. I counted them as one because they were not that great. Maybe 2 out of 6 yawns

18. Layer Cake - A poor mans, Lock , Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, with James Bond in it. I'm not saying it wasnt good, it was. It did have some rough spots, but worth the hour and a half.I am surprised someone ripped off Guy Richie like that. Daniel Craig is good and Sienna Miller must have been left on the cutting room floor. I give it 5 out of 8 Kilos

17. High Score- A doc about a guy trying to get the high score or world record on Missile Command. Apparently the CPU's cant handle the use and restart.The last 1 minute he dances on roller skates, which is one of the funniest things I have ever scene. Well it was kinda funny. Oooops I just told you the best part! I give it 4,000,000 out of 80,000,000 points!

16. Role Models - Surprisingly not that bad. Paul Rudd I am not a fan of, but the kids are great especially Mclovin, that guy rocks!! The sword fighting joke went Waaaaay to long but there was a line about a whispering eye, that made Kel and I laugh so hard we cried. Believe it or not I give it 3 out of 4 whispering eyes.

15. Alice in Wonderland- I loved this movie, it was very dark, like how the Mad Hatter went mad. It also had a great message, especially for girls. The red queen was great, white queen a bit freaky. While it was dark at times and the kids pushed their fears the payoff for them was the Fudderwupping dance by Johnny. Fletcher has been doing it ever since as a sign of victory. I give it 9 out of 11 hats!! More if there were great songs like the TV mini series

14.Hannah Montana- Macy loves this movie- I was surprised to find out that Hannah and Miley were the same person. I quickly called Clark Kent to do the story and had Peter Parker take pictures, and asked Diana Prince to give some advice on what a good secret identity should look like. "You dont need a wig, just put your hair up in a bun and wear glasses, Clark doesnt even use a wig, just parts it to the side" Well hey enough about that movie. 1 out of 20 wigs

13. G-force - All the action of Bruckheimer and the fun of fury little creatures. It was ok- Not very note worthy- 2 out of 4 food pellets.

12. Precious -This too is a movie I didnt really want to see, I dont want to see a movie thats depressing, I can find that in real life. I figured since I had just seen Blind Side and Notorious I had a theme with BIG actors going, so now was the time. They really were amazing performances by Gabouray and Mo'nique. I was pretty shocked that Mo took such a risk, looking BAD and behaving worse. Probably one of the top ten villains in a movie ever. My real question was, why did Oprah or Tyler Perry need the other one to get this movie done, I cant believe for a minute it needed the two. I give it 8 out of 9 frying pans--- Side note: When Macy saw Gabouray at the Oscars she said" WOW!!! Why that girl have so big these things!!! (pointing at her boobs)

11. Blind Side- Well I resisted this movie for a long time because, I already know how it ends and was pretty sure I knew the begging and the end. Turns out I was right, but there is a reason people always pay to see the inspiration story of the year, there pretty darn good. I think the part that was more interesting is that they say 90% of it was true, not the usual 10%. Plus I found myself thinking, for the first time,the girl from the bus who was also in the net, was pretty darn cute!! I give it 7 out of 9 footballs.

10. Cleaner- Sam Jackson is always good, and even though this felt like something I may have seen before, Think "sunshine cleaners" vs every film nior. Either way it was really interestingly shop. I loved the cinematography so much I looked up the director on IMBD thinking I NEED to see more of this guys movies. The Director was Renny Harlin.ooops you know "Driven,long kiss goodnight ( ice skating chase scene), Cutthroat island,Cliffhanger,Adventu

res of Ford Fairlane,Diehard2,elmstreet 4,and THE Deep Blue Sea( one of the worst movies ever) Some how this guy keeps getting work. Check out the cleaner anyway. 4 out of 6 cleaning products.

9. Notorious- This was a pretty good movie. I found myself twice saying "oh that song from girl talk is Biggie, I always wondered!" I thought that Biggie was well played, so was little "hottie" kim" WOW maybe on my top ten list. The Tupac and Puffy I couldnt stand, which may mean they were played exactly, dont know. Right after words I had to put in "Biggie and Tupac" Doc, I just knew the truth was not in Puffy's version of what happened. 7 caps in your a$$ out of 10

8. Couples Retreat- Every now an then a movie comes out that is so amazing that it changes they way you see things. Before I saw this movie I thought Vince,Jon,and Jason were great comedians- and Kristen Davis was not even in my top 200. After words I realized the sun has set on Vince and Jon, Jason gets a pass, and Kristen is a hottie! Don’t tell me your movie is a comedy if it's not funny, this was just brutal to watch... (Thank goodness I am a time traveler and can go back in time and not watch this movie) I cant believe it didn’t win a razzy. I don’t want to give it anymore time, because it wasn’t worth the virtual ink. 1 out of 102 stars.

7. Clash Of the Titans- Release the "CRAPen" I LOVED the original, watched it a million times when HBO ruled the EARTH in the 80's. I knew that movie, I was friends with that movie,... this sir, is not that movie. Even Sam "I am the new Cristian Bale" Worthington wasn’t good. This was the problem- The whole story made no sense, Argos declares war on the gods, as a result they destroy Zues's statue, and bystanders are killed, Persues's family. He wants revenge, somehow he ends up on a journey to save 1 princess, who must be sacrificed to appease Zeus. Why doesn’t he say , I need to kill Zeus or Hades, who killed his family, or they say, that seems fair, we will give one life of an aristocrat, who waged war on the gods, to save the entire population of their people.- I don’t even get why I am cheering for him, and his quest. 2-The second problem is why is it called "Clash of the Titans?!?! According to mythology the Titans were killed by the Olympians, so how is it the titans are clashing???!?!? I give this movie 10 out of 27 gods

6. The Wrestler- WOW!!! I was blown away!! This was a great movie! This is THE role for Mickey he is that guy to me. And Marissa, I can’t believe her career has come to her doing doing nude scenes! She was perfect to, I kept thinking what did happen to her, she was everywhere, then no where. This is a top 10 for the year! Of course, I heard the JOURNEY , “Don’t Stop Believing” ,Sopranos ending coming. 9 out of 10 rings

5. The Princess and the Frog - This is a good movie!! I was not excited about it, however, Macy really wanted to check it out, and behold I liked it! The songs are great, no Elton john, Randy Newman or Phil Collins. 4 out of 6 flies

4. Avatar- Sure i already saw this in the theater in 3D, but I thought lets see if it is still good at home. - Eeeeeh, it was ok, but not near as spectacular. The story really was such a retread it was a bit boring the second time. It is a bit weird being so attracted to a 10ft tall, blue alien, kinda feel like Captain Kirk. 16 out of 23 stars

3. RIP - A remix manifesto- Amazing movie!! Featuring Girl Talk, and all about how the copy right laws have changed over time and 6 companies control all media. This is a must see, and it can be seen for free, and remixed on an open source website. http://www.opensourcecinema.org/project/rip2.0. 6 out of 7 downloads

2. Sherlock Holmes - Robert D, and Guy are the man, they made Sherlock less stuffy and more cool.I like the sl ow mo , Lock stock and two smoking special effects. It had action, humor and was smart. I loved it!! Based on the ending, I assume we will be seeing part 2 in a year and a half or so. 4 out of 5 clues

1. Meet the Robinsons- I actually love this movie, I do love my time travel stories. Bowler hat guy is a bit creepy, but this is a good Disney movie! 3 out of 4 time machines- Should I be counting kids movies in my 40??

A Day In The Life Of A TimeTraveler

- or -
Been there done this

5:55 My alarm goes off. (2010) If I'm lucky, the sound wakes me up. If I'm not lucky, I've already been up for a while.

I take a shower, get dressed, look through my closet. I become unstuck in time jumping from 2001 to 2004, 2010 to 1998, 1976 to 2007. I pick something from the past and then go downstairs.

Fletch is awake and I make him breakfast. We sit together for 10 minutes and watch Mickey Mouse. (I slip through time to 2006.) I think they make 5 a year, so I have seen this one a few hundred times.

I go to the car and warm it up. (I am in 2002.) I start to work and put on Mike and Mike in the morning. They talk about yesterdays football games. (I am exactly one day behind.) I switch over to NPR, where they're talking about President Obama's town hall meeting tonight and how he will offer bail out money to small businesses. (I have slid 8 hours into the future.)

I get to work and walk into the building. (I step into 1954.) I say hello to several students. (I speak to the future.) I pass a few teachers. (Jumping from 1986 to 1998 to 2003, based on the clothing and hair styles.)

I get to my classroom and log onto my computer. (I am in 1998 based on the OS.) I look over what I will teach today, it will take me from 1967 in literacy to 500 AD in Math to 1776 in social studies and finally to the future in science. Depending on the text book I use, I will pop up in 2001 or 2004. I have lunch it's leftovers. (I am 16 hours in the past.) I discuss current events with co workers. (I am finally in the present.) One of them changes the conversation to a debate over school reform. (I am 3 weeks in the past, he has already brought this up before.) The conversation changes again to departmentalizing. (I am not sure if I am in October, November or December, since this conversation comes up every few weeks.)

I go back to class and say "You rock!" as I high five a student. (I am obviously in 1994.) He is wearing converse shoes (jump to 1917). (Yes, 1917...look it up!)

I finish my day and head back to my car (2002). On my way home, I put on NPR. The news is about what Obama said in his speech. (I am 3 hours in the past.) I think about tomorrow and what lessons I will teach (future). Then I put on some music. (I slip from 1967 to 1986 to 2002 then briefly to 2010, but just briefly.)

I arrive home and step into the present, stretch my legs, and walk into the past. (My house was built in 1974.) I say hi to the kids. (2007, 2005, 2004) and my wife. I cook up dinner and we all sit. My mom talks about her day and the news. (I am back to where I started this morning at 6:30 am.)

We all spend time together playing games (1963), reading some books (1985), and the kids go to sleep. I sit down on the couch (sliding into 2004) and watch some TV (2010). Ahhhh, back in the present where I belong!